The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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