too bad you live with your parents still
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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