Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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