There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
