it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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