I wish I could teleport
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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