Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
