I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
