Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want her autograph on my taint
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
