I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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