I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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