I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
