The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize