all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
