Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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