I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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