If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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