I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
