It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize