were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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