its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You're like the curious george of whores
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
