Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
