I got chris browned last night
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
