I cannot find my penis.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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