I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
