I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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