first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
