whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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