TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
