My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
