I accidentally burped into my bong.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
