Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
