Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Congratulations! We have a period
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