i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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