oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
