I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
