Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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