so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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