Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
