you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
