you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
