I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
