Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
