so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
