And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize