why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
