"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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