Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
