so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
