I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize