what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
