Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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