How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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