Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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