Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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