We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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