nut hugger
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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