I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
