Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
