I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize