i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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