So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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