tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
