If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
