I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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