I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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