you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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