Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
