I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
