so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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